Request for Prayer

People continue to misinterpret my pleas of "wanting it all to be over" to be indicative of suicidal intent. But I am not suicidal. I am overwhelmed and exhausted from chronic and unending stress, anxiety, depression and unresolved trauma, all in the face of an absence of support and connection. No one understands this. People keep telling me to just pray more, or they tell me that I shouldn't worry because things will just work out. But this is not a cut-and-dry matter. I have survived bullying, harassment, grooming, gaslighting, character assassination, police brutality, neglect and abuse, including molestation at the hands of my brother. I have seen, heard, and experienced things that no child should see, hear, or experience. My father had denied me several times, and dismissed the impact of his denials each time I brought up the matter. He even refused to acknowledge my disability. No one protected me, no one supported me, and no one held accountable any of the people who hurt me. I have suffered in silence, forced to mask and dissociate in order to function. I no longer trust others, and my ability to trust in God's goodness continues to erode. No one listens to me, no one respects me, and no one loves me. Even if I should be in a room full of people, I am ultimately alone. My health continues to deteriorate, with each doctor I see being unwilling or unable to help me. I cannot sleep. I barely eat. It is hard to focus. I just want this anguish to stop. I do not know what to ask for—there is too much to ask for. The only thing I can ask for is for prayer—that others who God actually listens to would pray on my behalf, since it seems my prayers to God are unanswered.