healing and future

Dear person dear jesus, i hae started to dispise myself due to a jo postiion where i was hearing saying not going good. i was ahted and i started to deispse myself i don't know why. then this strange tooth movement and pain occurred in my ody, noody of the physicans founf a proofable diagnosis canot eluce not diagnose with accuracy they said,proya reversile pain reaction. i cam ack to work, my new oss she realized and she tried therfore to change me, siad tried o change my eing who i ma in something new ecause of tis I don know waht o name it impairement or protection reaction. she gave ny a specifc role i had to e. i was made not knwoing why. my mother saod I never could make compromises. i wider is it okay to changea persons identiy ecause of any reason? the oss also sad a was nit to less for miyself to work as an aid in a medical office. i eg jesus for deep healing for my pain and my ody and my mind. am I arrgant, that I feel this way? may e they are right in doiinf this (with me)? alsi she also had an mpairment of the ones and was not forced to change her personality. I just wonder is this the etter way for all? or is it okay to do so? ut i just want jesus to e in my life again to forgive me if hurt in the jo and to heal me please. Thank you.